I've played guitar since I was 7. I started because my Dad "wanted me to have musical influence," aka forced me to. But I kept playing because I loved it.
Anyway, I brought my guitar here. It's sort of my safety blanket. I can play it and if I'm going through something I see the most clarity while I'm playing and singing. But when I got here, I was nervous to rake out the guitar. It's kind of a vulnerable thing, to play in front of people. Especially for me, since I'm bad at expressing when I'm upset, so I express it through music. On top of that, I wasn't confident in my ability, or in my voice. So, I hesitated because people were always around. Always. Whether it was the roommate or people down the hall, there would always be people to listen.
But, as the days went on, I wanted more and more to play. And I decided I needed to get over the fact that people would hear me, because privacy lacks heavily in college. So, one day, I started to play. I forced myself to leave the door open. Tons of people stopped by, and said I sounded great, or made these adoring faces as I walked by. My RM poked her head in on that first day and exclaimed, "I thought you were a radio!" Anyway, with all of these people coming by, I learned of other people that love music. My (now) friend Jon came in and jumped in on a duet with me, and it was one of the most fulfilling moments I've ever experienced. Since then, I haven't turned back.
One night, there ended up being about 15 people in my room listening to the sound of my guitar and the voices of me, Jon, and a girl I had just met harmonizing. The musical effect was tangible, and I loved it. Simply leaving the door open while I played had opened me to getting to know all of these amazing people through music. So, I expanded. I'll bring my guitar out to play on the horseshoe, and I've met tons of cool people simply by immersing myself into the campus rather than hiding behind a closed dorm room door while the roomie's away.
Then came the org fair. I knew I wanted to sing. I saw the Cockapellas table, and they seemed perfect. I found the perfect song, and I even practiced in front of people. Then came auditions. They loved me, and a guy even ran up and high-fived me after I finished my audition. But, there were a lot of people. So many talented voices. So, a few girls and I exchanged numbers so we could get together in case it didn't work out. We all heard back the next day, and it turned out none of us had even made callbacks. Out of sheer what-the-hellidness, I got an idea. I emailed Cockapella, and asked if there were any way I could contact others that didn't make it, to expand our group and just have some cool people to get together and sing with.
I expected maybe one or two replies once the email was sent out, if any. But now Awkapella, which is our temporary name, is a solid 17 members strong. Originally, I thought there'd just be a group of about 5 of us to hang out and sing every now and then. But, that's hard to do with 17 people, and it's hard to find a place we can all meet and sing. So, we're becoming our own club. And I guess I'm one of the leaders of it.
Outside of music, I knew I wanted a church group. At first I tried the Shack, and they were nice people, so I went for a few weeks. But I never felt like that was my home. Then my friend (or you know, girl I'd met a few weeks ago but the future looked bright) introduced me to RUF. I went to worship one night, and I knew I'd found where I needed to be. That week, they had retreat sign-ups. I hardly knew them, but I figured that'd be a good place to start. Why not. So I went. And I had a blast. And as if I didn't already feel at home enough, they played "Rivers and Roads" (my spirit song, essentially) before worship one night, and it was like the final shove telling me this was home. On top of that, we had the world's best ever sober dance party the last night. There was no going back.
Since then, I've kept attending RUF. The people are great, and I've met some amazing friends. I also go to Freshman small group on Thursdays now, where I get my fill of puppy love with the gigantic mound of affection, Bentley. (He's an 11-month old St. Bernard that's good as gold.) Beyond that and Awkapella kicking off, I do really want to go to Carolina Productions. But I've been super busy with the beginning of the year, and new members can join anytime. So there's no rush. However, though I've been busy, I don't think I'm over-committed. (The hectic-ness of the now comes from being a freshman and still figuring out the ways of college.) After weeks of sampling clubs and groups and churches, I think I've finally found my fit.
Beyond the USC community, I feel like I've even connected to the broader Carolina community of Columbia. My photography takes me all sorts of places, and I've traveled into the ghetto more than once by myself and come out to tell the tale. This might not be the best life choice, but I've gotten awesome shots from doing it, and met nice people from all walks of life. You never know what'll happen if you travel to Where the Sidewalk Ends. (I mean this both figuratively and literally. On my last adventure, I ended up so far out I just had to walk along the edge of the road.)
So. Do I feel like I've done enough to become a part of this community? Most definitely. When you get to the point when you can be excited to see people you know many times a day on a campus this size, I think you're set. All it really takes is putting yourself out there, and leaving the door open.
The selfie that best describes my week is:
This best describes my week because I'm with my camera, which is an accurate depiction of me basically all the time, and because I've been trying to look at the world from a new angle and a new perspective.
A bonus selfie:
BECAUSE BENTLEY. <3
